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POEM: "Complexity" [Nov. 19th, 2008|08:35 am]



"Complexity"


"They will love and adore, ask and implore
and call me a self-righteous whore
Or they can gaze with smoldering, green envy
but never come to know the Complexity within me.



I was not an outgoing child, instead quiet and meek
the company of others I did often seek
But eventually realizing, I would never belong
my days of play and creation became lonely and long.



They will mistake me for needy and clingy
and call me names, not realizing it is they who need me
They will be astounded, confounded, puzzled, and perplexed
and not understanding me--they will be outright hexed.



I have held my tongue in consideration of their feelings,
from their questionable choices and equally questionable dealings
I do not understand their hurt when I do my own thing,
perhaps, unlike them, I want to stay capable of my own thinking.



They may snicker and mock the way that I live,
and doubt the all the sincerity and empathy that I have to give
They will love me falsely, only using me for personal game
They are many in number, though which I shall not name.
"



7:18 a.m.
November 19, 2008


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In-progress [Jun. 9th, 2008|03:03 pm]

A contented smile plays upon Her coral lips
as a slice of orange graces them with rosy fingertips.
To this child, Zephyr grants a gentle breeze
and thus Her firey hair, do the winds seize.

Almond-shaped eyes of jade gaze about with wonder
and in my invisible state, I briefly stand to ponder
What it is about Her that enraptures me
Love, I shake my head, it cannot possibly be

For She is a child of the Light, living among the flowers and sunshine
and I am of the gloomy Night, ruler of the dead and treasures fine
My brothers cast me here--to this miserable, solitary state
but there She dances--beyond the ornate, golden gate

Persephone's long, artistic fingers graze the soil and flowers emerge
to greet that sunny little face, and briefly am I on the verge
of grasping Her crimson head to take in Her beauty
but Her mother's voice calls to remind her of her duty

White rabbits tread near and plants rise beneath Her hand
Silently, I observe Her way with this golden land
Again, I am graced with the smell of the flowers in Her hair
and of the blossoms held to Her face, freckled and fair

She parts her lips and shyly, begins to sing--
the trees, flowers, and I marvel at this wonderous thing.
Ivy begins to creep around, quite aware of my presence
but still am I drawn to Her bared arms, her eyes of innocence.

But I know those lips that are exquisitely painted
are not so innocent.  By Her cousin have they been tainted.
His very presence infuriates me so-- the way She looks at him
with soft eyes as She crowns him with flowers of Her whim.

It should be myself who holds Her down in a gentle kiss
as Her fingers in my hair compel me to sigh in a hiss.
It should be myself who holds Her hand in mine--
and not that lecherous, foul, nectar-drinking swine.

I hesitate to present myself, for nymphs join Her now--
dancing, singing, and lowering their heads in a reverent bow
to the Spring Goddess with various flowers, crowned.
Her laughter rings out and it is a most marvelous sound.

After awhile, the friends leave this wonderful girl
and as I remove my helmet, do black locks unfurl.
Nature seems to wither under my eerily silent walk
and the birds in the trees cease their vivacious talk. 

The ivory rabbits at Her feet scatter in fear
and She pauses, seeming to know that someone is near.
She turns her little head quickly, hair whipping around
as I watch the little flower crown drift to the ground.

Only then do She and I finally lock eyes
and She fidgets, uncomfortable at her petite size.
She has never seen me before-- I see it on Her face
and my lips part slightly as She steps curiosly with a feminine grace.

Awkwardly, I bend down and the flower circlet do I retrieve
only to rise again and find Her head bowed, ready to receive.
A strange sensation courses as She shows her brilliant smile
to one, who has been described as most wicked and vile.

I gingerly place the flowers upon Her hair, smoothing it slightly
Surprisingly She laughs and begins to step about me lightly.
Foolishly, I close my eyes, at ease that I am not feared
only to open them and find that She has disappeared!

Shamed (by Her!), I angrily return to my foreboding lair
and in frustration my hand rakes through a flower in my hair.
Making my way down lifeless marble, my temper cools
as piteous moaning echoes from the shades and ghouls. 

It is then that I realize, again, how lonely this place can be
but wonder if it would improve in fair Persephone's company.
Though Her brief presence would liven me temporarily,
I realize now that I must have Her with me for all eternity.

Thus I swallow my pride and seek lovely, but vain Aphrodite
and ask her to make myself adored by virgin Persephone
Her gentle blue eyes meet mine, "My Lord, I cannot do such a thing,
unless you have permission from Zeus, our almighty King."

A sour look crosses my face and I stalk off to seek my brother
with determination, still, to be Persephone's lover.
The King and Queen sit on thrones of blinding gold
and are clothed elaborately, in purples so bold.

Brown-eyed Hera rises and leaves with a questioning glance
and I eye her warily with a confident stance.
I feel my brother's hand, encouraging me to speak
only then does her name, "Persephone," from my lips leak.

Quietly and solemnly does he consider my plea,
that I offer a kingdom and crown quite readily
Against green-eyed Demeter's wish, he says I should woo
little Kore in secret, away from anyone's view. 

Again in the dark I sit and ponder what She loves best
whether it is music or company She prizes among the rest
Staring at the river Styx, from this cold, lonely tower
do I come to realize She prizes the innocent, fragrant flower.

Thus a darkly charming blossom do I fashion
and in it do I place the poison of my dark passion
So that my sweet maiden would swoon into my arm
and in her blissful state, recognize Her captor's charm.

I create the most bewitching foliage by a special clearing
that my dear Persephone chances upon, never fearing
the strange, grotesque flowers that ensnare her senses
effectively drawing the beauteous creature closer, enraptured and defenseless

Quietly I extract  my helmet, allowing the sun upon my ashen skin
and I step toward Her as She takes the surrounding magic in
My arms encircle about Her waist and She makes a sound of surprise
and quickly turns to face me with those clouded, but magnificent eyes

I take Her free hand into mine.  "Come with me," I whisper lowly
and a blush steals across Her face that I caress slowly
She smiles mysteriously, turning Her face to the flower in hand
and an ominous, chilly wind sweeps throughout the golden land.

"Come with me," I repeat gently, grazing Her hand upon my lips
and daringly my tongue begins to dance among Her fingertips
She shudders with slightly parted lips, suddenly against me
while a thousand thoughts cross my mind, gazing at her lustfully.

She gazes curiously at the solemnity upon my face,
and I observe her moist lips part with such feminine grace.
Unabashedly, I hold her and position my lips behind her ear,
and hear the loveliest shuddering breath--a sign of her fear.

I suddenly want her then and there, with the flower blossoms in her hair,
gazing up at me with those eyes, as I devour her like a delectable pear.
My hands move of their own volition, attempting to undress her,
but in my rapturous state I fall upon my knees, my breath a bit softer.

"Mortal," says she, and I instantly whip my head up in surprise
to see an amused, yet contemptuous twinkle in her green eyes.
"Know you not who I am?" Her voice sighs in a melody.
"Fair Persephone, whom I have adored from Shadows," say I quite readily.

"And who may you be, Mortal," her smile slides into a frown,
and I rise with a smirk, staring at her billowing gown
and tower over her, "Ah, but I am not a mortal at all, my sweet little girl."
A flash of realization crosses that disdainful face, which begins to unfurl.

Her astonishment--how beauteous she is
and again rises the urge to give lecherous kiss.
As I caress her face, I feel her inability to retreat
and thus I advance, careful to not step on her little feet.

A little toughly do I force her face to mine
Bewildered--her lips color similar to wine
My embrace is brutal, like a Falcon with its Prey,
and I kiss her before she has anything to say.

This Goddess begins to swoon back, in total rapture
and aggressively, her sweet tongue do I capture.
But she is no stranger to this Forbidden act,
and suddenly she makes noise and begins to draw back.

"Fair Kore, fear me not," my voice lowers to a whisper
and my lips graze hers--she responds with a shiver,
"My Father's brother, the elusive, brooding Lord of the Dead."
With a deep chuckle, I kiss her fair little head.

"Forgive me, my Lord, to my mother must I return,"
but in her readiness to leave I catch her mid-turn.
Rejection and then Aggression rise like uncontrollable flame
to remind myself to not acquiesce to this silly Game.

I grasp her from behind and croon, "Sweet Persephone,
come with me as there is a most wondrous Garden to see."
"A Garden, my Lord?" Her wonder comes out breathily
and she turns to gaze at me, eager to follow quite readily.

A hidden smile crosses my lips as encouragingly I press
her toward the opening Earth and observe weeds tangle her dress
in silent warning and pleading for her not to follow
such a nefarious man to the sinister Hollow.

"My Lord," she sounds panicked at the sudden cold,
and I offer my gloved arm--a comfort, to hold.
As if joined in Matrimony, I lead her down with Pride
and turn to gaze at the Spring Goddess at my side.

She startles at the sound of Shadows scattering away,
but they watch in wonder that a Goddess of the Day
should be brave enough to Descend to such gloomy state.
Persephone pauses as before us looms an ominous Gate.

With icy hands upon bared shoulders, I guide her to the Otherside
and inhale the intoxicating perfume of my soon-to-be Bride.
Charon, in tattered garb, approaches us timidly in the familiar boat
to assist my fair-headed Maiden across the murky moat.

He eyes her, "Your presence, fair Lady, is most welcome here,"
and smirks as the expression on her face slides into fear.
She begins to notice the grimness of my Lair,
but to distract her, I lean to fix a blossom in her hair.

"How horrid, this place, my Lord," she says and bites her lip,
and I watch in humor as she fidgets, causing the boat to tip.
After we dock, she gracefully steps out with a raise head
but her green eyes seem to wander about in dread.

But her curiosity seizes her to briefly step from me
to search for flowers or the sight of a Beloved Laurel tree
"Where is this Garden, my Lord?" How innocent she turns
to entrance me with emerald orbs--Oh how my passion for her burns!

"A forest must be crossed to get to the river," I softly say
in a reassuring tone and the fear on her face is chased away.
As gently as I can, I guide her up the Onyx stairs,
while the Shadows draw near--curious at the state of affairs.

My eyes close at the feeling of her warmth under my hand
and marvel at its ability to radiate through this dead land.
Yes, I decide, my Queen will brighten things considerably,
but as if reading my mind, she whips her head to gaze at me.

I pause as well, then notice the object of her Distress
for three-headed Cerberus has thrust a head at her Pristine dress.
The girl backs into me with her head under my chin,
causing me to shudder at the flowers against my Ashen skin.

"He will not harm you, fair one," I let out a sigh
and observe her Alabaster hand reach forward--so shy.
Envy courses through me at her docile manner to the creature
but at the same time reminds me of her gentility--an attractive feature.

"What a ferocious being," she murmurs and mingles with the mutt
to which she musically coos, causing a warm feeling in my gut
I silently wish that she will gaze up on me with such eyes
and suddenly her face looms before me, much to my surprise.

Persephone's lips part and I feel her breath like the Warmth of the Sun
I want her--then and there--but grab her and we continue on
before I throw her to the marble in hopes to ravage
my beautiful, Virgin Queen like an insatiable savage.

Confusion and slight irritation cross her child-like face
and I feel she is about to protest at our hurried pace,
but Her annoyance vanishes at the sight of my Domain
--this dismal, cold place, in which I shall beseech her to remain.

Her feet pad through the door-less entry--Her luminosity so bright,
causing her to appear as one of her belovéd flora that bloom only at Night.
Ready to react, I cautiously observe the Palace Shadows draw near
but never once do horror or disgust on her face appear.

Rather she raises an Inquisitive hand to the Sinister shade
that flutters around her and pauses at her eyes of Jade
and I am struck with panic as she begins to fall,
but hold her in time and Banish the shade with furious Squall.

"Persephone," my claw slides against her cheek in distress
and helplessly I watch her Decay in my wintry caress.
"Love," my voice cracks, and warmth crosses her face,
to which returns rosy color reminiscent of Summery days.

"There is no Garden, is there," she muses out loud with a sigh
and as I contemplate a response, my throat seems to run dry
but hastily I reply, "My dear, it lies a little further away,
disregard... this Decay and follow me, if you may."

This time she trails closely behind, glancing at the numerous doors,
possibly wondering what or whomelse graces these Obsidian floors.
"Hades," Persephone breathes, "you reside here in the Darkness all alone..."
"Yes, how rather unfortunate for me."  She winces at my caustic tone.

I reach to rest my hands upon a door so Ornate
and I feel her bustling impatience--her inability to wait
Her pale feet carry her forward before she can even decide
--into the lavish Garden that blooms only for her, only at Night.

Already do the flowers beneath her feet grow colorfully bold
to brighten and flourish--sickly yellow turns to magnificent gold
From every tree she passes, fruits begin to slowly appear
and though shrouded in Darkness, she turns to me with eyes so clear.

"But why is such a Beauteous place down here, My Lord?"
She asks as I watch her longingly, moving of her own accord
to touch various flora--An Acacia tree begins to create new sprout
and the blooms of a Magnolia tree waft their fragrance about.






.....

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PROSE: "A Poignant Memory" [May. 20th, 2008|12:20 pm]

[Written on 12.17.05]

Constantly I am tearing my eyes away from her portrait upon the wall

How can such a serene visage bring so much pain?

I like to imagine her hands reaching outwards to touch my face

Her hands, barely brushing away the spilling tears that never cease

 

She was one of those people who captured everyone

Her laughter was melodius-- it made you turn in curiosity

There was nothing hard in her light eyes, no hostility or ire

Her wild hair, the color of the trees in the deepest wood

 

I first saw her in the hallway, sprawled upon the tiled floor

To my shame, she had tripped over books in my possession

Cringing as I felt the upset stares of people around me

I could do nothing but stare at her surprised face that echoed mine

 

Feeling the blush rising in my cheeks, I offered my hand to her

Stuttering and mumbling idiotically my sincerest apologies

Hair fell around my face like a curtain, she laughed the incident off

The first day in a strange class, and she sat not far away from me

 

Her name, scribbled in my notebook, hidden from a multitude of eyes

Sketches of her in thought, of her smiling, of her looking bored

She gained confused looks as she recited a poem she had written aloud

And yet there I was, madly scribbling every other word she spoke

 

Grudgingly, I took my place before the class, my poem fully memorized

Half-way through, my peers already wore astonished looks, disgust

Her brows were furrowed, perplexed, but I knew she was thinking

When the humiliation was over with, she passed me a book of her works

 

I rushed home with it, opened it carefully, and her perfume wafted about
Reading until sundown, these images and scenes came to life in sleep

Beautiful, ungraspable, fluttery objects that made me follow after

Flower fields that I lay in, without a care in the world, overwhelmed me

 

I shocked myself into inviting her over one day, surprised at my boldness

My hands wringing each other as I paced by the door, waiting, waiting

Her figure through the window, I saw, her face was fresh and composed

Opening the door, I smiled awkwardly, my hand welcomed her in

 

She saw the garden through the dining room window first, her feet led her

Surprise filled me as I watched her wander, she was so sure of herself

She stopped at the door, silently asking permission, I nodded, shyly

The curtains, her gown, her hair fluttered into the garden first, then herself

 

It was not as pretty as it had been in the Spring or Summer, for it was Fall

Treading silently behind her, concerned for her safety in the entanglement

I replied to the best of my knowledge, the various questions she asked

Her paying attention to me, delighted me, like a flower about to bloom

 

Accompanying her back to her own estate, the door swung open quickly

Her relatives gazed upon me with scorn, then upon hers with gentleness

It was a bad habit of mine, becoming shy when being introduced to people

But after the many words, questions, their attitude towards me lightened

 

Every morning, every afternoon, her books were in my arms, I at her side

Often in the garden we were, she with her books, I lay in the grass thinking

Sometimes, far from the estates, we wandered into the deep woods

Calling out for each other in the thrush, was exciting for both of us

 

And on a particularly crisp Spring morning, she was in my garden as usual

Her dress was soiled, she was knelt next to me gazing at the exotic flowers

On a sudden whim, my hand took hers and brought it against my face

She said nothing, looking thoughtful--so I kissed her chastely on her lips

 

Overtime, the kisses we shared became more full of passion and want

I was barely able to control myself, her hands and eyes silently asked me

But I would not do such a thing, refusing to become a monster and frighten her

And so, one evening over dinner, I boldly slipped a ring onto her finger

 

I was able to charm her relatives by purchasing numerous caged songbirds

They were delighted with them and no longer doubted my financial ability

Asking only that she and I finish our schooling, they blessed us warmly

Her arm tightened around mine as we walked, I felt her warm tears

 

She, the girl of my obsession, became the girl that I fell in love with

She, unearthly at the altar, the netting covering her blissful face

I almost felt like I didn’t belong there, she wasn’t supposed to be mine

But my relatives, and hers, goaded me on with their expectant smiles

 

I treasured the way she felt in my arms at night, her peaceful composure

The way she would sigh into my ear as she embraced me from behind

The passionate sounds that she made in the bedroom, twisting in my arms

I treasured the feel of her fingers in my hair, lulling me into slumber

 

I returned home once on a muggy afternoon in August, removing my coat

A smile crept to my lips as I found her in the study, her face lit up

She was holding the small body of my child, our child, in her supple arms

I kissed her gently, and she carefully placed my son into my arms

 

Letting out a hearty bout of laughter, she turned her head with wonder

Our little boy had scampered off after placing a plump worm onto my book

A smile graced her lips, her hands went back to dancing among the flowers

Leaves fell whipped over the pages, as I regarded the two of them in silence

 

Then one Fall evening, a ghastly feeling of chilliness and dread in the air

An owl appeared at the windowsill, a small parchment tied around its foot

She rose from her chair quickly, I tried to follow, she waved her hand

I tried to follow her eyes, to read the message, but she smiled assuringly

 

She was not in bed one Winter evening, I heard her feet padding around

I almost heard her whispering to herself in the room below our bedroom

And then she came to me, her eyes expressionless, her hands upon my face

Her tears were silent witnesses to the sorrow inside, which I knew not of

 

And then, a particularly still evening, the white snow fell lightly, peacefully

I awoke to voices arguing, somewhere in the garden, I rose to the window

And saw the most hideous apparition hovering in the air, a face so cruel

And she, on her knees, pleading and begging for mercy, hair disheveled

 

In a sinisterly suave voice, the hooded figure condemned her for betrayal

I saw her sleeves fly, her fingers grasped around a wooden wand that aimed

Watching in horror, they were in the middle of a dance it seemed, colors flew

The figure’s robe suddenly aflame, I did not want to believe what I was seeing

 

My heart racing, my feet pounding down the stairs, I threw open the doors

And found her immobile upon the ground, the ghostly figure had flown

Her body lifeless, her eyes ceased to open, I felt no breath upon my fingers

I knew she was gone then, the anger, the questions that would not be answered

 

My eyes shift away from her portrait once more, hearing the knock of my son

But still I thought of her, and the secret she had withheld from me, no anger

His smile is just like hers, his eyes are drawn towards her upon the wall

Silently, I observe them smile at each other, a silent exchange of love

 

We descended down the staircase, listening to the timbre of his voice

Telling me the Dark Lord had fallen, igniting momentary ire and frustration

The Dark Lord, it was he who had taken her from me, but now he was gone

As we stepped outside into the Spring air, her spirit remained in the House.

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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2008|08:39 pm]

           He was panting wildly as he wearily swung open the door before him.  Instantly, he was hit by the blistering cold wind that seemed to cut into his face.  Be brushed away the speckles of white that flew across his range of vision.  Her saw her footprints in the snow before he even saw her.  But there she was, back turned, a rather lengthy distance away from him.  His brow furrowed in disbelief… She was dressed quite oddly for the occasion… The thought evoked an apprehensive feeling.

            His eyes were drawn to the white wings, at first.  He knew that they could not be real—they had probably been bought at a costume prop store.  And yet it appeared that at any moment, they would gracefully extend themselves and reveal their magnificent glory. 

            What the hell was she doing?  As he drew closer to her, his boots crunching in the snow, he noticed the dark red dress she was wearing.  He mused for a few moments at its contrast against the snow.  It was like looking at… blood.  When he turned his head up to finally speak to her, he was met with a curious expression upon her face.  It was an expression that suggested she was smiling at some fond memory, but thinking sadly of it as well.  The childish smile in her dark eyes changed to one of humor, holding some sort of secret.  The wet sensation seeping through his pants suddenly made him realize he had fallen onto his knees before her.  He wanted to say something to her and yet his mouth wouldn’t work.  Maybe it was too cold?  Maybe he was awestruck by her beauty?  Maybe there was nothing to be said…

            He followed her wherever she went.  He knew her true smiles.  Her false smiles.  He knew that she had the intensity of a raging flame that longed to be free.  But she was also fragile.  Fragile like a glass ornament within a glass case, barely protected.  She was like something that could not be touched.  And yet she let him touch her.  He still recalled the astonishment in her eyes when he had grabbed her shoulders and literally forced his lips upon hers.  And afterwards, he recalled the sad expression on her face. 

            The icy cold was getting to him now.  He wanted to take her hand and lead her back down into the building—back into the warmth.  But he knew that she had come up here for a purpose.  He knew she would stand her ground.  By now he was silently asking for a simple word from her.  His mouth opened slightly, but he stopped himself as he watched with dread at her minute movements closer to the edge of the roof.  What…what… what was she doing?  He felt himself trembling now as she faced him once more.  The sad smile on her lips caused him such anguish and he found himself wanting to look away—wanting to pretend that none of this was happening.  He wanted to pretend he did not know where this was leading to…

            Nevertheless, she had her hand extended towards him now, beckoning him.  Before he could even think, he found himself crunching towards her… and the ledge.  He was now standing next to her, gazing down and found it unsettling how he could not see the bottom…  But she was not even looking down, instead, she stared straight ahead with that maddening smile…

            “You won’t abandon me, right?”

            He could almost feel her hands clinging to him, begging him.  And how could he not stay with her?  She was the only thing that had…

            “Of course not,” he stated dumbly, not believing the situation…

            “O-on… the count of five…” she gave a nervous laugh, “One…”

            Do something, you idiot!  Stop this!

            “Two…” she continued.

            You can’t let things end like this!  And yet among the many confusing thoughts racing through his mind, he heard her continuing her count…

            “Three.”

            And to his shock, he watched her gracefully slip away from his grasp and away from the ledge.  The hand that had been holding hers automatically flew to his lips as he let out a muffled cry.  He saw her surprised face, her hand poised towards him as she was falling.  The sound of the billowing fabric of her dress rang through the silence of the falling snow as he watched her fade into the citylife below…

            

            “OH GOD!”  he yelled as he sat up in his bed, staring around him with bewilderment.  Someone was coming towards him with hurried movements.  He could feel his heart pounding quickly, he couldn’t breathe.  His expression of bewilderment quickly passed into one of shock at the gentle hands pushing him back down.

            “Darling, what is the matter?”  she questioned lightly, but with worry.

            “Y-you… you f-fell!  YOU JUMPED!”  he cried in agitation, “YOU JUMPED!  OH GOD, YOUR DRESS!”

            She glanced down confusedly, “I thought you liked red… isn’t it a lovely shade?  I haven’t put on the wings yet.”

 

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POEM: "I'm the next Sylvia Plath, bitches." [May. 17th, 2008|12:00 pm]
 
So there I was, sitting sternly
Upon a golden chair, in a Red gown
The other pretty girls in blue, pink, and yellow

Each of them are on the arm of a man
Smiling, laughing, and drinking
Delighting these Creatures with their charms

And I try to stare past them
Because they look so happy and I am not
I know nobody will take me home

The sun is going down outside
The orange casts a hue upon my face
Hiding the drying tears

A few of the Creatures turn eyes to me
Curious, questioning looks--question in their eyes
They want to, I know

But after they use me and touch me
They leave with these girls in blue, pink, and yellow
These girls will find a nice home

They will wear a white dress with a bouquet
They will cry as they are kissed with promises
They will get rings on their dainty fingers

They will have a bed to go to
A husband to come home to them
They will have parties to attend

But will these beds have been used for immoral purpose?
Will these husbands be devoted and true?
Are these parties only for show?

Is it better to just sit like this?
Immobile, silent, but yearning to be owned, possessed
Is it better to sit in this class cage?

My eyes flicker upwards, the lights become low
The pretty girls in blue, pink, and yellow are leaving
But so are the well-dressed Creatures

The glass Cage is suffocating
They do not see my hands against the glass
They cannot see the torment and lonliness

The lights are off, but I can see the Moon shining
Equally lonely as I, staring from the glass
My dress goes as dark as the room

And I realize just what is wrong
I am not even a girl, I am only a plaything
I am not but a Doll who never came to life.


[10:23 p.m.]
[Tasha was Here]
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PROSE: "Untitled" [May. 17th, 2008|11:20 am]
 

So there we sat, under the towering tree, simply enjoying the cool shade that it cast upon our forms.  There was silence between us as we observed the grasses swaying in waves as the wind sifted through them. 

How pretty.

I stole a glance upon her calm face.

Prettiest.

As she stared at the nature around us, I took the time to study her.  She sat as if she were posing for a painting with her hands folded neatly in her lap.  Her lovely auburn hair whipped wildly around her milky face.  My fingers itched to brush away the wild strands so that I could see her, uninterrupted.  I wanted to simply gaze at her lovely face forever.  She laughed suddenly, as if she had heard my thoughts.  Before I had the chance to look away, her eyes had captured mine.

I knew I had stopped breathing at that moment.  She was wearing… an odd sort of smile.  Her lips were curled slightly, and yet there was a weary look in those emerald eyes.  Her hand came up to push away the hair that had swept across the side of her face.  Seeing her give an involuntary shudder at a great breeze, I reached to the clasps that held together my burdensome cape.

“No.”  She raised her petite hand, briefly pausing me in my actions.

I simply looked at her with a raised brow, and lifted the thick cloth from around my shoulders and beckoned to her with a gloved hand.  She moved forward shly and I delighted in the downward flicker of her eyes.  She thanked me in her dulcet voice, clutching the fabric around her with a minute smile.  My sinister eyes averted hers quickly as the scent of her intoxicated me.  How I wanted to bury my face in her luxurious red hair, to press my lips upon the fragrant flesh of her neck… To have my hands upon her 

And yet she was a mere child, blossoming into a lovely nymph.  She was of the light and I was of the dark… Surely I would incur my brother’s wrath if I dared to touch her  I cleared my throat slightly, surprised at all the wicked thoughts that had suddenly flooded my mind.  She haunted me.  Her voice, singing among the flowers.  Her fingers dancing along the grains of wheat…How I wished those fingers to dance along my sallow face... And now she was looking at me, with obviously a curious expression.  The smile I tried to crack must have looked hideous, but still she observed me silently as her fingers brushed against a flower that had sprung up beside her. 

“What’s wrong?”  She asked softly, with her brows raised in innocence, “do you want your cape back?”

I could only gawk at her.  There was something very alluring in that expression of concern…  I suddenly thought of taking her under a tree similar to the one we were sitting under… Her hands above her head… My hand upon her mouth… I gave a shudder.

“No,” I said simply and pursed my lips together.  Control yourself

“Are you sure?  You look a little flushed in the… face” She drew even closer, practically leaning towards me.  I felt the puff of her breath on my face and noticed just how the fabric of her dress fell perfectly against her bosom.

“I am fine, little one,” I breathed (she crinkled her nose at this) and stared at the color of her eyes.  The colors of the spring woods  Her lips were practically begging to be kissed.  Whom was seducing whom exactly?  And then her fingers were suddenly on my face, tracing my features.  How could she, she of the flowers and sunshine, possibly be dirtying herself by lavishing attention upon me?  I allowed my eyes to shut, anxiously allowing her finger tips to glide gently over my eyelids.  Violated.  I was being violated.  By the very thing I had planned to…  Any moment now, I would turn the tables… If she didn’t stop touching me… I would seize her hands and push her into the grass 

“’Sephone…”  I said quietly, noticing my hands moving of their own accord to wrap around her wrists.  She looked at me with surprise and she seemed to realize the extent of the cold and deadness within me.  I hesitated, noticing her irrepressible shudders from the coldness of my hands upon her.  Ashamed, I cast my eyes downward but brought her fingers to my lips, knowing that this was a safe approach.  With a deft movement, she leaned further and brushed against my forehead.  

I froze.

“Whatever is on your mind?”  She asked gently, the healthy flush returning to her.

I could only smirk in return.

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PROSE: "On Love & Rejection" [Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:54 am]
  Where does the idea/feeling come from, that we are not loved?
Is it all psychological?
If we tell ourselves over and over that we ARE loved, will we really believe it?
Should we believe it?


Why do we feel we are not loved, when we really are?
What is the one thing that keeps us from reaching out to others?
The fear of rejection.


Maybe we are "loved," but it's a different kind of love that we want.
We want to be swept off their feet by that special someone--
the special someone, who never seems to be around the corner.
We can feel loved unconditionally-- be accepted into society for whom we are.
We can feel loved romantically-- be held, kissed, and have our hands held.
We believe we are not loved, based on the way others react to us.


Maybe it's because we haven't learned to love ourselves first.
And when the we begin to question what others do love about us, we can never find answers.
We act blind, refusing to acknowledge the wonderful things about ourselves.
We tell ourselves that we are never good enough--
that we are nobodies.


The fear of rejection is what holds us back from doing great things.
The fear of rejection is what holds us back from saying "I love you".
The fear of rejection is what holds us in emotional torment--
until we can take no more.
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FANFIC: "A LOST drabble (Ben/Juliet)" [Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:17 am]
 Author’s note: Just a writing that I’ve been trying to get out lately... Ben & Juliet are NOT my characters and are copyrighted to LOST. ;D





"I want to go home."


She bit her lip at how childish it sounded and suddenly wondered whether it was futile for asking at all. She had been on this island for far too long--longer than he had said she would be. Her mind took her back to the day that she was standing on the deck, gazing around at the wonderfully green mountains before her. The feeling she had felt then was a frightening insignificance--she had felt deeply alone.


"I can’t allow that, Juliet."


His voice was steady and maddeningly calm as he nonchalantly poured her a glass of strawberry lemonade that he had brewed earlier that morning. Outside little songbirds chirped gleefully as the sunshine radiated through the kitchen window. She felt her jaw clench but managed to gnaw at her own inner lip, trying to manage the feelings of frustration she was feeling. Her normally soft, caring eyes seemed to throw daggers at him--daggers that he didn’t seem to notice or care about.


He turned to her gracefully with the glass in his hand, "Lemonade, Juliet?"


She tried to not visibly cringe at the way he said her name and restrained herself from just smacking that glass of red out of his hand and verbally confronting him. She was too afraid to raise her voice at him--what would he do? How would he react?


She pursed her lips, stiffling the tirade that was threatening to erupt, "Thank you, Ben."


She turned away briefly, immediately fastening her lips to the rim of the glass and allowing the cool, sweet juice to fill her mouth. She knew he was looking at her now, gazing longingly after her--gazing at what he couldn’t have.


"Are you not happy here?" He asked lowly, hiding any hint of emotion and slowly approaching her from behind, "What else... can I possibly to do make you happy..."


"How can you even think that I’m happy here?!" she snapped, turning to face him with cold eyes. She suddenly realized that he had been standing behind her, breathing down her neck, possibly wanting to... Juliet stepped away from him with indignation, pressing her palm to her lips. She placed the glass of lemonade upon the counter with an unsteady grip. She could feel the tears threatening to erupt, but she blinked them back rapidly.


And then she felt his hand enclose around her wrist, pulling her back to him.


"Juliet, look at me. Juliet." Ben said softly, almost cooing at her.


She wanted to wrench her hand away from his controlled, gentle grip but couldn’t seem to find the energy to. When she couldn’t find anywhere else to avert her gaze to, her eyes slowly met his. But instead of expecting to meet his eyes, she found that he was staring at her hand. At that moment, it was clear to both of them how he felt about her. She saw it on his face and in his eyes. Finally, Ben came out of his reverie and his now emotionless eyes met hers.


"I want my freedom, Ben," she said tearfully, "I want to go home and see my sister! I want to be able to walk to a coffeeshop and pick up a new book or go to an art museum or the damn opera! I want... my life back..."


"I can’t give that to you, Juliet. I need you here. We need you here. We have seen what wonderful work you can do-" Ben stated calmly, releasing his grip on her hand and quickly turning away and attending to the pitcher of lemonade.


"The women keep dying, Ben! Everything I do to help them--it doesn’t work! WHY can’t you see this? I need to go HOME." Juliet was full out sobbing now, her voice having reached a shrill tone. She felt ashamed for raising her voice, but enraged at his strangely tranquil behavior. She wanted to just run out of the house and scream to anyone who could hear her. She didn’t care if the neighbors would run outside to see her in this tattered state.


As if Ben had read her mind, he set down the pitcher once more and reached out to touch her with one deft movement, "Your sister is fine, Juliet. You saw for yourself... And look at what you have here--you have somewhere to conduct your research, you have friends, you have your little garden of fresh fruits that you can pick yourself..."


The soft tone that Ben had suddenly taken killed absolutely any feeling she had and she seemed to wilt like a dying flower as he daringly brushed a free-hanging section of her hair behind her shoulder. He gazed at her lowered eyes and the defeated state she seemed to stand in.


"You are safe here with us, with me, Juliet."
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POEM: "Asian Anthem" [Mar. 23rd, 2008|10:58 am]

This is in no way meant to be offensive...

I was drifting into sleep... when I started randomly singing "I'm a Little Teapot" in my head...

>_>;; And this is what came of it:


I'm a little Asian, short and stout
Here is my black hair, here is my pout
When I have no ramen hear me shout
That's what being an Asian's all about!


::DUCKS MAJORLY:: XDDD 

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POEM: "Stalker Song" [Nov. 13th, 2007|11:17 am]

 "Stalker Song"


I'll shun the Angels and their wings of White
And refuse the invitation of the Dark Ones
Just to remain here and watch you dance on by
But see you not that I want to Dance with you

You dance in the Meadows, flowers in your hair
The wind caresses your flesh and soothes your troubles
Your voice rings through the bright fields
As I watch you, with a smile, from beneath an Apple tree

You dance on Stage, an expression of fierce concentration
The fabrics swirl around you--so dream-like
And you lose yourself in the music, the applause
I scatter the finest Roses before you

You dance in the room, alone with white walls
But being Alone is nothing new to you, only familiar
Where have all your paramours gone to now?
Only I gaze at you longingly through a window.

And now you dance no more, only watch the clock,
waiting for your misery to end, for the flowers in your
hair and the music all around you--Familiarity
Only now do you see me, dancing before you

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